The Change in Communication (Sparked by Julia & Julie)

So I went to see Julie & Julia tonight and found it was a very interesting movie that I could slightly relate to. The part that I could relate to most in the movie was one of the main characters Julie who wanted to do something significant and interesting in her life so she decided to blog about her experiences cooking her way through Julia Child's cookbook. I have observed that since the invention of blogging, people have really tried to build themselves up slightly by trying to achieve something through blogs. I don't know what it is exactly that makes us want to share some part of ourselves over the internet and want to do it consistently. I myself have been trying hard to keep up with my blog so that I can feel a small sense of accomplishment by continuing to write in it regularly.

As human beings, we for some reason have the need to share all of ourselves over the internet when we can't even share ourselves with the person we love sitting next to us. What is it about communicating over the web that makes it more appealing than actually talking to people? Why do people want to type more than speak?

I personally am getting tired of having a 3 hour text conversation when I could have had the same convo over the phone in 15 mins. I understand that some people are more comfortable with texting because it has that cushion of time that allows a person to fully develop an answer before responding, but we aren't meant to have the perfect response to every question and although in the past I preferred texting, I am seriously getting tired of it.

I am going to simply start calling people more, and perhaps responding to texts less.

Control Me No More!

What is it about me that screams control me? Do I give off some I-want-to-be-controlled vibe? I guess I am sending off secret messages that read "Oh I don't know what I really want so I need you to tell me cause obviously you have a better clue than I do." And if so then I need to stop it. See I'm all for pleasing those around me including close friends and family, but then when pleasing them starts to interfere with pleasing myself and doing what I prefer to do, then what they want is no longer as important to me.

Lately I have been feeling like the people surrounding me are very controlling over what I do and don't do. I've noticed this before, but it never bothered me. Now it's starting to bother me because I am trying to find my own way, become more independent and less dependent on others. I have also realized that I have made myself too readily available for everyone. I have made myself into someone that can always be counted on to be there for anyone at anytime to be a psychologists, entertainer, and all-around "fulfiller" of others' needs. Now the question isn't how did I let this happen, but how do I get myself out of this.

I have basically branded myself as a "fulfiller" and have recently decided to change my product. If I do this, I may create some very disgruntled customers, then what do I do? I don't know what I am going to do to make them happy again, but I do know that I am going to continue doing what I want for the time being by fulfilling my own needs/wants first.

The whole reason for this sudden need to change "the brand" is because, like many people on there way to graduating soon, I have been thinking about what I am going to do after I graduate. I have been thinking of many possible options from remaining in Dallas to moving on the East or West coast to even living over seas. So, if I do pick an option other than moving back to Houston I am going to have plenty of people angry or expressing various other controlling emotions towards me. And that is why I am about to start changing some things now so that when I do decide to do whatever it is that I want to do with my life, it will be a lot easier for my loved ones to digest.

Day, Afternoon, & Night Repost Coming soon

I was reading the part of Afternoon from 2 posts ago to a friend and she pointed out how poetic that portion was. So, I am currently trying to turn that into a poem. However, the poem is starting to morph into something else. My only dilemma, other than writing the poem itself, is trying to control the direction it flows, or just let it go where it goes. Will post the poem as soon as its complete. Knowing me, that may be tomorrow, next week, or possibly never. Let's hope its tomorrow or next week.