Frustration

Is it better to express anger or hold it in?

I have always tried to appear happy and not show people how I truly feel but it is beginning to wear me out. My head hurts all the time and I just don't have the effort to smile and be polite anymore. I want to make the people around me happy but it is hard to make them happy if they are not trying to make me happy.

I have been hanging out with the same people for a year now. We are in the same organization where we must work together and then we play together as well, but working together is not as great as playing together. I am starting to find that working with certain people is hard. I am beginning to not be able to tolerate them and the characteristics that they have always had. I'm sure they haven't change but maybe I have. Maybe I am getting older and less tolerate of being treated like I'm incompetent. Over my 20 years, I have learned that many, many people believe just because they are older, they automatically know more than you. A year or two over me does not make you wiser than me. Hell, 10 years doesn't make you wiser. It's the experiences in your life that make you wiser in your own way. Everyone doesn't mature the same way or at the same time but some people can't seem to realize this. You may know more about the woods, and I may know more about building things but that does not make you smarter than me or me smarter than you. That makes me experienced in one area and you in another. Do Not insult me or dismiss me, listen to me and consider what I have to say....it may be right and it may useful to you if not today, some day.

I am so glad I started this blog. I will try not to make it so much as a place where I just vent, but try to make it a place where I share all of me.

Everclear and the downfall it caused in my life

Ok, so it all started October 10, 2008. I went to a friend's party where he had trashcan punch and Jell-o shots which were made of Everclear. Everclear is the Devil! It is tasteless and when added to Kool-aid it is deceivingly good. I had 2 cups of trashcan punch and 2 Jell-o shots. When I realized that I was drunker than I had ever been in the matter of two hours, I switched to Smirnoff. Bad idea. The sugar with the Kool-aid mixed with the sugar from Smirnoff and Everclear of course didn't make my stomach happy at all.

I got to the party at 9, was drunk somewhere between 9:30 and 10, and was emptying my stomach into a trachcan by 1:30-2. Passed out at 2:30. The next day anything I ate or drank came up immediately and I couldn't keep anything down until 8 pm with the help of Gatorade. I was sure that my troubles from Everclear stopped that day but they didn't. On Sunday I began to lose my voice. It was back by Tuesday, but then I got a fever on Wednesday and couldn't curl up in bed because all of my classes were on that day. I was better by Friday but then I got an ear infection that same day. Yea, wow!

Un-Everclear related, but I will still blame it on it anyway, I had to drop my first class in my college career. It was insane since I always make A's and B's and only 1 C since I've been in college. That upset me seeing as I had 15 hours and am now down to 12. However, something else that was caused by Everclear was my trip to the Emergency Room. Due to my weakened immune system, the sudden fulcuations in the weather, and Homecoming Bonfire and game, my lungs inflamed and my inhaler would not work. I had to go to the Emergency Room for an major Astham Attack for the first time since I was 9.

And on top of all that, I have been having this weird attitude lately. I have been sharing way too much and have been way too rude to my friends. But honestly, I think Everclear was just the Devil's first step in slowly trying to discourage me and lead me astray but it will not work and I will survive.