Just felt like writing

So I have been off and on with how I have been feeling lately. I am happy with the friends that surround me; unhappy with my organization and related nonsense; unhappy with love life; happy with overall life. Because I am always thinking about what I'm lacking, (i.e. someone to love and love me in return) I tend to forget how lovely my life actually is. I am so blessed to have two jobs where many have none (even tho I only work every other week at one job which is going on 2 weeks this week). I have a great group of friends to hang out with. I am doing well in school; I am in school. I have a great apartment, a nice roommate, and a working car. So I have to constantly remind my self that although I am single and all my potentials are some distance from me, I am blessed. So I would just like to take this time to thank God for giving me the opportunity to go to college, making to where I have remained in college, keeping my family safe and healthy, and surrounding me with great people. I have no struggles and I greatly appreciate it. Thank you!

Day, Afternoon, & Night Poem (Finally)

So it only took me 4 months, but here it is. I actually finished it 3 months ago, but put it down and never looked at again til now. I thought it was incomplete then, but when I looked at it today, I actually liked what I read and decided to post it.

Afternoon is what I call myself
in this situation between love & lust
Love is my day,
and lust is my night
Day provides the shine that lights my life
but nothing compares to the feelings produced by night

I try to divide the two,
but adding seems more right
And fear seems to be dividing factor
between day & night

Fear holds all the cards
While love tries to take charge
and lust just sits and waits

Fear seems like the logical choice,
Love the delusional one,
and lust is purely optional.

Eh, after typing it and rereading it, I'm no longer a fan. But I could also come back in another 4 months and revise it again. It's not likely, but if I say it then it will eventually happen.

Dear God,

Hi, I don't really know what to say. Many people usually come to you to only ask you to grant them their hopes and dreams, but I usually just pray for my family to be blessed, to have sweet dreams, a great night sleep, and a blessed next day. I pray the same prayer every night with slight modifications. Particularly praying for one specific person, or for some event in my life that I want to go well or be safe in.

Every one wishes the best for their family and friends, or at least I do. There are so many people surrounding me in my life that I just wish I could say detailed prayers for them every night, but if I did that I don't think I would ever make it to sleep. So, I will take the time out now to pray for all those that I care for and hope that this is an everlasting pray that you will consider repeatedly. Sorry if this is uber-long, but I have plenty of people I want to pray for.

1. My mother - Lord bless my mom with peace of mind. Lord you know that she worries considerably and takes on the worries of others. Grant her with serenity so that she may be fully happy and live out the rest of her days carefree. Bless her that she continues to love her job, work hard, and want to continue to excel so that she may finally be able to retire and put all her years of strenuous work behind her for good. Watch over my mother as she goes out into the world. I know that you say that to believe in you is to be fearless, and I try, but I fear that the people my mom encounter do not see your halo around her. So, lord please keep her safe. I know she is courageous and fearless, but her children are not and worry about her constantly. And lord, please bless her that she does all that she can for those that she loves. I know that she always wants to help those around her because for so long she was unable to. Please grant her the ability to do all that she hopes to.

2. My sister Nikki - lord bless Nikki with the same as my mom and grant her serenity, peace of mind, and success. Lord, you know that Nikki takes on the weight of the world and it causes her distress. Please bless her that she will be able to forget about the evils of the world. It keeps her awake at night along with her other troubles. Speaking of, God please, please bless her with good health. Please bless Nikki with the chance of prosperity so that she may have a better chance at life. Nikki is a wonderful person and the status of her health is starting to deteriorate along with her self-esteem and natural light. Please bless her to soon be able to get her health in order before her light is gone. Having her light will not only benefit her, but all those that encounter her, but lord you already know that because you gave it to her.

3. My sister Donye' - My prayer for my little sister is small but one of my major worries. Lord please bless Donye' to remain the sweet, silly, goofy, innocent minded girl that she currently is, but lord please make her aware of the real world so that she may not be deceived, taken advantage of, or sucked into any trouble. My greatest fear for her is that she will soon revolt against her strong christian upbringing and cause more trouble than necessary in her life. So lord, please continue to guide her and surround her with great people. I know that you know all this and everything is planned, but lord you also know how we tend to stray from your path...please help the people around Donye' to help her continue on the path toward you. I generally just want for her to turn out like me lord, but better, greater.

4. My brothers Mack and Steve - Lord please bless both of them and their families. Bless Steven with a greater faith, a stronger wife, and healthy children. You have blessed him considerably, and at the moment it appears that he has all, but of course like us all, he still needs prayer because no one's life is perfect. Bless him with an understanding, calm wife, outstanding children, and the intuitive not to forget you lord. We all wish for prosperity but often forget who blessed us with it. People become too busy with making their fortune to make time for you, so bless my brother Steve and his family with the opportunity to develop in you and not forget you. Lord please bless my brother Mack to give up all of his unhealthy habits and devote himself to his family and you lord. Mack has some demons that he really needs to be rid of lord so please relieve him of these demons so that he may be the best possible man that he made him to be.

5. Tiffany - Lord please bless Tiffany to be able to finally be relieved of all the craziness that surrounds her and Malaya. Lord please help her to see that nothing in her life will change unless she puts true effort into making it change. She constantly complains about the different occurrences in her life, but she makes little effort to fix her situation. Let her know that she does not need a man in her life that does not support or provide for her and her family. So Lord motivate her to see the path that you have set before her, and help her to realize that she does not need anyone else's help and support but yours.

6. Darice - God please bless Darice that she is able to properly get back on her feet after having her last child. Bless her to see her worth so that she may be confident enough in herself to make sure that she alone with your help is able to provide for her and her children. Let her know that she does not need a man in her life that does not support or provide for her and her family. Darice and Tiffany are in the same situations Lord and I just asked that you guide them both out of the storm so that they may become what you want them to become.

7. Dee Dee- God just simply bless Dee Dee with the way she handles the world. Help her to understand that alcohol is not the answer to stress and that she can survive the stress of the day without having a drink at the end.

8. Joshua - Lord, bless Josh with the ability to stay focus. Give him the strength to stay on task, overlook distractions, and do everything that he possibly can to get to the place he is destined to be in life. Help him to be able to separate personal from professional, and become the great professional man he aspires to be. Help him to also be the man of God that he wants to be, and the man that you are trying to make him into . Lord just help Josh to overall be that great man of God that everyone knows he can be.

9. All friends - God just bless all the friends that surround me with whatever may come into their lives. Bless them that they are able to overcome any and all situations that come their way, and they are able to come through them stronger and wiser.

10. My family - All - God please watch over my family and see that they are happy and healthy. Lord watch carefully over the children and see that they are well taken care of and that no harm comes their way. God please bless their parents to raise great children of God and see that they may not go astray and in turn take their children down a troubled path. Bless all my family that they may forget the troubles of the past and trust fully in you Lord to guide them into their futures.

The Change in Communication (Sparked by Julia & Julie)

So I went to see Julie & Julia tonight and found it was a very interesting movie that I could slightly relate to. The part that I could relate to most in the movie was one of the main characters Julie who wanted to do something significant and interesting in her life so she decided to blog about her experiences cooking her way through Julia Child's cookbook. I have observed that since the invention of blogging, people have really tried to build themselves up slightly by trying to achieve something through blogs. I don't know what it is exactly that makes us want to share some part of ourselves over the internet and want to do it consistently. I myself have been trying hard to keep up with my blog so that I can feel a small sense of accomplishment by continuing to write in it regularly.

As human beings, we for some reason have the need to share all of ourselves over the internet when we can't even share ourselves with the person we love sitting next to us. What is it about communicating over the web that makes it more appealing than actually talking to people? Why do people want to type more than speak?

I personally am getting tired of having a 3 hour text conversation when I could have had the same convo over the phone in 15 mins. I understand that some people are more comfortable with texting because it has that cushion of time that allows a person to fully develop an answer before responding, but we aren't meant to have the perfect response to every question and although in the past I preferred texting, I am seriously getting tired of it.

I am going to simply start calling people more, and perhaps responding to texts less.

Control Me No More!

What is it about me that screams control me? Do I give off some I-want-to-be-controlled vibe? I guess I am sending off secret messages that read "Oh I don't know what I really want so I need you to tell me cause obviously you have a better clue than I do." And if so then I need to stop it. See I'm all for pleasing those around me including close friends and family, but then when pleasing them starts to interfere with pleasing myself and doing what I prefer to do, then what they want is no longer as important to me.

Lately I have been feeling like the people surrounding me are very controlling over what I do and don't do. I've noticed this before, but it never bothered me. Now it's starting to bother me because I am trying to find my own way, become more independent and less dependent on others. I have also realized that I have made myself too readily available for everyone. I have made myself into someone that can always be counted on to be there for anyone at anytime to be a psychologists, entertainer, and all-around "fulfiller" of others' needs. Now the question isn't how did I let this happen, but how do I get myself out of this.

I have basically branded myself as a "fulfiller" and have recently decided to change my product. If I do this, I may create some very disgruntled customers, then what do I do? I don't know what I am going to do to make them happy again, but I do know that I am going to continue doing what I want for the time being by fulfilling my own needs/wants first.

The whole reason for this sudden need to change "the brand" is because, like many people on there way to graduating soon, I have been thinking about what I am going to do after I graduate. I have been thinking of many possible options from remaining in Dallas to moving on the East or West coast to even living over seas. So, if I do pick an option other than moving back to Houston I am going to have plenty of people angry or expressing various other controlling emotions towards me. And that is why I am about to start changing some things now so that when I do decide to do whatever it is that I want to do with my life, it will be a lot easier for my loved ones to digest.

Day, Afternoon, & Night Repost Coming soon

I was reading the part of Afternoon from 2 posts ago to a friend and she pointed out how poetic that portion was. So, I am currently trying to turn that into a poem. However, the poem is starting to morph into something else. My only dilemma, other than writing the poem itself, is trying to control the direction it flows, or just let it go where it goes. Will post the poem as soon as its complete. Knowing me, that may be tomorrow, next week, or possibly never. Let's hope its tomorrow or next week.

I'm a Thug! (in a way)

So I am talking about my self as a thug in reference to love. From my knowledge there is no correlation between thugs and love. Thugs are mainly people that do whatever is necessary to get to where they want to be financially and successfully not caring about anything or anyone else other than family. That's me. My grind/hustle is school. I go to school and make sure that I do everything possible to succeed in it so that I can secure the prosperous future that I wish for. Other than that and family, everything else is just entertainment. Now some may ask, what is wrong with that? More people should be like that and maybe so on so forth... Well yea it seems like a good motto unless you want more like me

I want to find love, however, I'm making it a little hard on myself. In order for me to fall in love, I need to give up my so called thug mentality to get what I want, but it's hard. I am guarded for no damn reason at all other than I don't want to get hurt and end up like all the hurt, bitter, shattered people around me. When you see so many people go through so much drama and trauma behind love, you tend to tread carefully when dating. That's all find and dandy til you get to where I am now trying to figure out if I should open up or stick to my thug ways.

So here I am, little miss too-scared-to-be-hurt-but-really-wants-to-find-love sitting here wondering how do I just let go and let Ms. Love work her magic. I really need to start believing in faith and all that mystical, magical stuff that supposedly helps God help us not to make bad decisions. Its all a part of that you never know until you try theory of thinking, but again I'm a thug and don't believe in failure and love is just too risky. So, hopefully I will develop that theory of thinking sooner rather than later because I'd rather be hurt temporarily by love than permanently by loneliness.

Day, Afternoon, & Night

So, I have recently been talking to two lovely young gentlemen that have been holding my interest in 2009. I like both of them equally and have recently been referring to them as Day and Night for that is what they are; complete opposites of each other in every way but being male.

Day:
Day is light bright, unstable, and lights up my life. He is handsome and very freaky. I never take anything that Day says seriously. I basically like him because he is freaky, makes me feel wanted by someone, and makes my day everyday. However, at this present time, being with Day would not be a good idea. He is unstable and very much dependent on his parents. He is also clingy and too very uncontrollable. And overall, I think he would cause me more pain than joy. Yet I couldn't dare stop talking to him, I feel I need him. Why do I need him? Because he sends sparks through me that no one else has before. He pulls on my strings and I like it.

Night:
Night is a sexy chocolate, stable, young gentleman that constantly confuses me. He is sophisticated and reserved like me and is an obvious go-getter too. I see tons of potential with Night and would love to try a relationship with him, but being with him would mean giving up Day. Night seems sure of what he wants from me and I have a feeling that if he does not get it soon, he will leave me, and that is not a reference to sex at all. He told me today that he "can't go further with someone if I can't know them on a deeper level." Now this was referring to me sharing my thoughts about how I feel about him. This is hard for me.

So here I am, Afternoon, stuck between Day and Night. I guess this is the part where I describe me.

Afternoon:
I, Afternoon, is completely confused. I am not as bright as the Day but love the shine that the Day leaves behind for me. And on the other hand, Night provokes thoughts that are absent with Day, and wants me to do what I find hardest; sharing those thoughts. There is something in me (fear) that does not want/allow me to open up to either Day or Night in the way that they both want from me. I, Afternoon, is trying to hold on to my separation from the two rather than blending into them and letting it all flow. Then again, allowing Day to flow into me and me flow into Night could get complicated. So then what do I do? Do I choose the happy feeling of Day and hope that it will be enough to sustain me, or live completely in the Night where confusion is more common but happiness visits often?

Even though all my confusion involves these two fellas, it is all me. I need to decide whether I will open up and risk someone actually knowing me or staying in my confined little box by my got damn self.

I should be ashamed of myself...smh

My goal at the start of this year/blog was to constantly allow my creativity to flow through posting blogs every week or at least once a month. I failed. I haven't posted a blog since April and here it is 50 minutes til July. I would say I've been busy but that's a lie. The closest I was to busy was reading the Twilight Series while not doing summer school work. So, to be a good girl and get back on track, I will try to start (again) posting a blog every week. So starting tomorrow, I will post a blog about some lovely/lonely part of my life to clear my mind, heart, and spirit.

Book Review Time

I haven't had a lot of time to sit and write individual book reviews so here is one small review in one and the past couple of books I've read.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao - Junot Diaz - Loved it. It's a interesting story about A Dominican Republican sci-fi nerd, his family, and the curse that haunts them. A must read!!! A

The Mill on the Floss - George Elliot - eh! It's a classic Brit novel but kinda hard to get into but sort worth the read in the end. B-

Tess of D'Ubervilles - Thomas Hardy - Classic must read Brit fiction novel. Loved it! A

Ten Little Indians - Sherman Alexie - eh! Short stories, pretty funny tho C

Interpreter of Maladies - Jhumpa Lahiri - eh! Short stories, nothing special. C

And Another One

Here's another old school poem of mine...this one was actually pretty good and quite relevant to how I feel about someone now.

"Wishing You Were Here"

awoke at night
wishing you were here
thinking of
the protective feel of your body against mine
I feel safe
The smooth touch of your hands
caress my body ever so gently
The warmth of your breathe
heats my body to the core
The alluring look in your eyes
draw me into your soul
The comfort of your voice
lets me know everything is okay
The poetic feel of your words
lets me know you'll forever be mine.

written February 23, 2005

Extended Metaphor

This is a poem I wrote back in my Sophomore year of high school that I recently found. Oh the memories!

My mind, body, heart, and spirit are like a poem
The first stanza lets you into my mind
It lays out my thoughts
describing how I think about the things happening around me

The second is my eyes
In these lines you explore my past
You see my life in the present
You view my future

The third is my mouth
It speaks the truth
yet at the same time tells you what you want to hear

The fourth is my heart
It opens up to you my feelings
Explains to you what I've wanted you to understand for so long

The last stanza is my spirit
It lets you read about the trails and tribulations of my life
It ends the poem in remembrance of my achievement
rather than my failures.

Reading this now...I think I was ok. I believed I have improved some since then, but I'm no where near where I want to be.

Poems, Thoughts, Emotions....they're all the same

Lonely Me

Lonely me, missing you, wanting you to hold me, console me
Lonely me, waiting for you, to find me, define me
Lonely me, thinking of you, invisible you and
the things you would do, would say, would convey
Lonely me, wishing for you to come to me and tell me that you love me and need me

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
me and him
a black and mild
some smoke and alcohol

me and him
long walks and conversations
sparks and temptations

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I don't trust myself when I'm with you
It's just the things I allow myself to do
Things that should not occur between us two
but I want to
and that's what makes it so hard
cause I've had a taste of the things you can do
and I want you

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
my lips miss your kiss
my body miss your touch
my ears miss your words
my heart miss you so much

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I Pray Before I See You

because I know you could talk me out my panties,
and you believe that sex is just like candy,
so deliciously sweet
and your favorite treat

because you know exactly what to say
to make me stay
in a position of trust
mixed with a large amount of lust

because your hands feel so good
as they roam over my body
but then I begin to hear everyone say:
Stop
Wait
Save it all for marriage
and I want to

So, I pray before I see you
because I don't want you to know exactly what to say to talk me out of my panties so I won't find myself in a position of trust mixed with lust that was sparked by your touch.

The Woman Warrior

This book was quite interesting. I loved the beginning which included stories that the author had heard during her childhood of strong women warriors like Fa Mu Lan (Mulan from Disney). While the first half is mainly about strong Chinese women, the second part is mainly about Kingston's strong Chinese mother.

This is an ok book. Don't think I will keep it but it didn't hurt to read it. I would definitely recommend it to anyone looking to read about a culture other than their own.

David Copperfield

There is not much I can say about this book except that it is 400 pages too long. I admit I did enjoy reading it at first, but if I were not required to read it, I would have stopped reading around 400-500 pages. The book is 800 pages long and chronicles everything from David's birth to the birth of his children. What makes the book remarkable and a classic is the great detail and the way Dickens introduces numerous characters throughout the novel the same as we meet numerous people throughout our lifetime.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that has a tremendous amount of time on their hands. I give it a B+.

A Change....Someone New

This weekend was a very nice weekend. I spent a lovely weekend with a special person from my younger years. Although we are not official, it felt as if we were and I liked that feeling. I cannot put into words what exactly made my time with him so special other than I enjoyed myself tremendously and hated to see him leave.

I can honestly say that I am very infatuated with this person and have found myself doing things very unlike myself. For this weekend I relinquished my typical fears and restraints and allowed myself to share an experience with someone that I would have not had if I would have held fast to my fears and restraints. There is something about him that just makes me happy, makes me want to just relax and enjoy myself. I am giddy when I think of him, and when I talk to him. I simply cannot wait to see him.

I went back to an old blog of mine mentioning how I would like to find me a special someone for the present moment..."practice" so to speak and reminisced on how I had only asked for something like this to happen only 3-4 months ago.

Fear & Love

I want you to
touch me
in places untouched by another
but
I am afraid

I want you to
kiss me
where eyes have not gone
but
I am afraid

I want you to
free me
from my own restraints on love
but
I am afraid

I want you to
love me
as if you would never harm me
but
I am afraid

I want to forget
the fear
so I can love you
but
I am afraid

And
I remain afraid
to let you
love me
let me
love you

Valentine's Day

Hmmm....V-day has to be the funniest holiday out of them all. The way people get so sad over one day amazes me. It is not like this day doesn't come around every year, but people continuously get sad, or cranky, or plain mad that they so happen to be alone on this one of 365 days out of the year. Do you complain about being alone any other day in the year? Then why cry about this one?

I have heard such angry comments about choking St. Valentine to Yay to this monetary holiday. If you don't believe in it that's fine. I believe that the only day that I require or expect my significant other to go above and beyond for me would be my Birthday because that is the only day that is dedicated to me. Yea I would love to be showered with love and affection on V-day, but you can do that by renting my fav movie, cooking my fav meal with my fav dessert, and cuddling up next to me on the couch. Just showing me you care is enough.

I feel as if only the angry, bitter, lonely people make a big deal about what others decide to do on this day because they wish someone could be doing it for them. Oh well, get over it. This day is only 24 hours in a sea of 24 hour days. In 30 minutes this day will be over, but will you be happier or sadder when you realize that you are still single the next day?

Book #2

If you ever wanted to know about a culture other than your own, specifically the Irish Catholic culture, this is the book you should read. It is creatively written as if the author Frank McCourt had been writing his story since the age of four. By him writing it like that, I felt as if he was personally telling me his story. The memoir chronicles his life from his early years in America, his time after his family moved back to Ireland, to when he finally returned to America.

I must warn that this is not a book that disclaims any stereotypes. McCourt's own life is a perfect example of any stereotype there is about Irish Catholics. His father is a drunk who was forced to marry his mother after he got her pregnant, and his mother cannot stop having children although her husband can't obviously stay sober longer enough to support his family.

Angela's Ashes is a sad and tragic memoir that will make you want to do everything from adopting a Irish child to advocating that all pubs be abolished in Ireland.

Novels

So, I am taking two novel classes this semester. One is a British Fiction class and the other is A Survey of Ethnic Literature (whatever that means). This basically translates into me reading 2 novels a week at 400 pages a week. Exciting. So I decided to list the novels here and write a short post on each novel after I read it. So the novels I am reading this semester are:
- Persuasion - Jane Austen
- The Mill on the Floss - George Eliot
- Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
- The French Lieutenant's Woman - John Fowles
- David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
- Beloved - Toni Morrison (Read this one in H.S., but it's one of those books you have to read at least twice to fully comprehend it)
- The Woman Warrior - Maxine Hong Kingston
- Angela's Ashes - Frank McCourt
- Interpreter of Maladies - Jhumpa Lahiri
- Lucy - Jamaica Kincaid
- Ten Little Indians - Sherman Alexie
- The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Who - ...
- Plus two others that I don't have yet or I know I won't be writing a post on.

I've just finished Persuasion and overall I would give it a B-. It was a decent love story, but it took me 130 pages out of 236 till I finally got into it. For the better half of the novel, Anne, the main character, is trying to fight her feelings for a man who she was once engaged to, but was "persuaded" not to marry him because he was beneath her in status and rank. Around 130 pages, she starts to see that he can no longer pretend to hate her, and is starting to show his true feelings for her. If I wasn't forced to read the novel, I probably would have stopped reading it around page 50. Jane Austen is good with words and gives plenty of elaborate details to make you feel as if you are in the 18th century. However, she is a bit wordy. Overall I liked it, and will actually keep the book and not sell it back to the book store.

Random Facts

In the spirit of keeping up with my New Year Promises, I'm going to post a blog about 25 random facts about me since I don't have anything significant to talk about.

1. I am an English major at the University of North Texas.

2. I am adopted and have 6 brothers and sisters from a variety of parents.

3. I have 2 dogs.

4. I just bought a '97 Toyota Corolla

5. I love music and almost have 2000 songs on my computer.

6. I fantasize about my life way more than I live it.

7. I am in a co-ed honor fraternity.

8. I still live in the dorms.

9. My friends are predominantly white, but we have few things in common... i.e. music, books, theories.

10. I paint my toes year-round even though I only show them in the summer.

11. I desperately want a bunny.

12. I still watch cartoons.

13. I wish I could skip dating and jump straight in to marriage.

14. I secretly want to get my heart broken.

15. I am contemplating selling my eggs for money.

16. I'm running out of random facts about myself.

17. I don't know how to ride a bike and recently just learned how to drive a car.

18. Purple is rapidly becoming my favorite color.

19. I cry a lot. Not alone, but I am extremely emotional.

20. I am slowly working on seeing the greatest movies of all time.

21. I finally saw Casablanca, The Godfather, and It's a Wonderful Life.

22. I have never gone farther than kissing with a guy.

23. I sometimes wish I had more excitement in my life, and then sometimes I'm thankful that I don't

24. I wish I were a better writer.

25. I hope to someday change someone's life.

My Promises for 2009

1. I promise to follow through with every plan I make, including taking Yoga, buying a car, and finding a job.

2. I promise to present myself better. I make this promise to myself every year, and every year I actually improve my image little by little. In '08 I actually began to wear earrings and carry purses.

3. I promise to stop doing at least half of my bad habits, like standing on the back of my knees, biting my nails, and my all time favorite, procrastinating (this one however will most definitely be broken once school starts).

4. I promise to write more and read more outside of school work. Since starting college, my creativity has been lacking but I am going to make sure that the the creative juices begin to flow again by making a promise to write at least one blog a week and one poem a week.

5. I promise to write one blog a week and one poem a week :)

I can't wait to see how many of these I actually kept at the end of the year. If I'm lucky all of them if not at least one.

Reflection of 2008

2008 was a heartbreaking year for me. It started off fairly nice, but became filled with despair towards the middle, but thankfully it ended better than it began. My year began to get a little rough in the end of May when my Godmother had a stroke and I was the only one that was able to take care of her. Me and my mom struggled all summer to find someone that would be able to take care of her during the day and stay with her at night. I had to stay with her for half the summer and go to summer school at the same time. Unfortunately, we could never find anyone that was qualified enough or available enough to be able to stay with her very long and the whole process became very stressful. Then, in October, she had to be hospitalized for unknown reasons and unfortunately she passed away two weeks later while I was away at school. Although I could not be at her side the day she died, I had a chance to talk to her everyday during her last week.

Her passing away really took a toll on me and every time I thought about her I just cried. I am actually crying now while writing this. Her death was just so unexpected since she was making wonderful progress when I left for school. It hurt me so much that I had to leave to go to school when we still hadn't found anyone we could trust to be with her. But she fortunately was never alone after I left and I thank God for that. But it is going to take me a very long time to not cry when I think about her. When I first came home from school for the winter break, my sister and I were driving to the DMV and we drove past her street. I immediately broke down crying when she took the exit from the freeway that lead to my Godmother street. I hated the fact that she was longer going to be on Hurley St. and that I no longer had a reason to go down there.

My Godmother was a significant part of my life and I thank God that my mother chose her and her husband as my Godparents. The best thing about her passing is that I know that she is now in heaven with my Godfather who went to his heavenly home only four years before. I missed them both tremendously, and I will never forget the everlasting impact the two of them had on me and the unconditional love they showed me.